Grandmom: Good News for Children of Divorce

And the “good news” is long overdue. From anecdotal reports to controlled research, and plain old common sense, the word has long been out that---help for kids of divorce is in the hands of their parents. All the splitting couple has to do to keep their kids from experiencing the worst possible grieving is be nice to each other. Stop the battling around and through the children. Stop treating the children as if they are “property” or referees or both. Really, I mean really really, turn parental attention to what all this might mean to the children. Put adult grievances and face saving tactics off bounds. Don’t battle for “equal” everything, including time with children, especially babies and toddlers who thrive on familiarity and routine, so much that even a change to “Day Light Savings Time" can be unsettling for a week. Give up such notions as a 19month old’s summers should be spent with Dad and his new significant other, on Sabbatical, in Greece, while Mom takes her two week vacation in Maine. One mental health author has suggested that parents in such instances act as though they are entitled to cut the children in half, “to be fair”.

But now, at last, “a court directly supports psychology’s role in lessening conflict in family breakups through the District of Columbia’s Superior Court’s initiative." The court is funding a program through which psychologists, act as parenting coordinators, especially in high conflict custody cases. These cases are not ones with domestic violence or child abuse, but high on rancor. Court Judges appoint the psychologists whose goal is to ease the strain for the children, even eliminating parental battling. The psychologists’ role is to enable parents to communicate better, work out disputes, focusing on each child’s needs. The outcome of this program will be carefully measured, but judges are already unofficially enthusiastic about the results.

According to a Superior Court Chief Judge “the program is helping children by helping the adults in their lives get along better, demonstrating a way out of the constant parental conflict children have witnessed. There is already great enthusiasm for making this program a permanent part of obtaining a legal divorce. What took us so long to change the focus in marital dissolution, from adult grievance to children’s needs. (ref.:"Less Fighting, Better Outcomes", Christopher Munsey, Monitor, APA, 2/2009)