Is Your Child Gifted?

In the November issue of Scholastic Parent & Child Magazine, the editors asked psychologist Sally Y. Walker, Ph.D. how  parents can tell if their child is gifted. Walker said the answer is complicated, but one thing is clear: all children have gifts, although they tend to emerge at different times and in different ways.  With that in mind, I'd like to know what makes your child gifted.

Comments

[Caroline R.]

How do you write about your gifted child without sounding like you're bragging?

My son, age 13, has the ability to get along with almost everyone he meets. He charms them with his sunny disposition and his easy-going personality, which conversely also attracts people to him. His sense of humor is a delight. All those attributes serve him well and will throughout his life, both socially and professionally.

I tend to think of my son's attributes as a blessing because he was born with them; they aren't something he's practiced or had to learn over the years. They are simply innate. Isn't that a major component of being gifted?

[Els Kushner]

Oh, what a great question! There are definitely areas where my daughter has to work harder, and other things that seem to come so easily to her. One area where I think of her as gifted is in her social savvy. She's not exactly easygoing, like Caroline's son in the comment above, but she has a real sense of social structures and seems to be able to pick up the "way to act" in just about any situation. Not that she's never socially uncomfortable, but she just seems to have an overall sense of social grammar that I had to learn the hard way.

She also has a love of language and an imagination that I admire. And she's extremely good at delegating and getting people to do what she wants!

[Adele M.Brodkin]

Thank you, Caroline and Els for your wonderful responses. What wonderful illustrations of the deeper significance of so-called "giftedness"!

The gifts that each of your children possess bode extraordinarily well for their future success. Social gifts are the most valuable of all and make the world a better place for their being in it.

Kudos to you both for acknowledging and valuing your children's own giftedness.

Regards,

Adele

[Amanda]

I'm still waiting to see my daughter's gifts to come out. She's 7 and she likes to dance and she seems to be good at it, but in her dance class she's not the best. She also plays soccer, but other players are much better. She reads a lot. Is reading a gift?

[Adele M. Brodkin]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Amanda. Reading and loving it is indeed a gift. It opens doors -- new worlds of thought, imagination, learning, and adventure. I am very grateful to my primary grade teachers and my parents for supporting my early delight with reading and books. Printed words have been not only my constant companions, but my life long introduction to endless possibilities. Encourage your daughter to cherish her pleasure in reading. Read aloud to her and ask if she will return the favor. Listen to what she has to say about what she has read and what she is looking forward to reading next. Her love of reading is undeniably a gift..

[Josh M.]

A gift, to me, is something you are born with that you can't really take credit for. In my case, it's perfect pitch, meaning as a very young child I could hear a car horn or a cat's meow, go to the piano and press the same key as whatever sound I heard, or, today, tell you what note it is.

I could have been a prodigy but I had behavior problems in school and was put in Special Ed, where I spent 4 years doing pretty much nothing except fighting. My parents were also fairly clueless about my talent and didn't encourage me, although they did not DIScourage me. Straight into the factory I went after high school. Today, decades later, I've done the work to make myself a successful musician.

I've actually read a lot about child prodigies or gifted children, and one theme I notice throughout is that having a gift is great, but when you grow up and join the real world, it doesn't necessarily translate to what might be called a well-balanced life mentally, spiritually, emotionally and vocationally. The gift isn't like stigmata; people will not flock to you and shower you with money just because you have it. You have to learn to work just like everyone else at relationships, dealing with life's inevitable ups and downs, handling money, dealing with conflict and various banana peels.

[sheri]

If gifted means special talents, then all children must have something that makes them special. Even a downs syndrome child would be gifted with something that makes them important to someone in this world.

What gifts have I seen in my child? One would be an innate ability to solve structural complexities that leave me baffeled. With one turn of the screw or rotation of the sketch he can see what I thought was impossible. This sense of the 3 dimensional emerged at age 13. This talent hasnt turned into a career yet, despite the practical application of these skills.

In fact, one might say given a high IQ and a talent for art/architecture would have been a great gift. Other things missing in his development however have made it very difficult to make any headway in this competitive world where hard work and delayed gratification are the keys to success. At age 32 he seems to have never quite grasped this concept.

[Ellen L]

All these comments are so interesting. They really got me thinking as to what the word gifted truly means. I have a 3-year-old and a 14-month old and had thought perhaps it was too early to tell if they are gifted or not (Unless being able to scream really, really loud while in the bathtub counts).
But, one thing I've noticed about my son (the 3-year-old), and other people have commented as well, is that he has an exceptional level of concentration for such a young guy. He can play with a toy, do puzzles, or draw, for long stretches at a time without needing positive reinforcement or help. Even at play dates when he was 1 or 2, he'd stick with a toy for a while, when the other kids moved on in seconds from one object to the next.
Is this a gift, or perhaps just a personality trait?

[Adele Brodkin]

Hi, Ellen,

Well, the semantics don't matter so much; but why not see your son's capacity to focus as both a personality trait and a wonderful gift. No matter what he decides to do in ilfe, his inclination to focus, concentrate, zero in on a problem that needs solving, whether practical or intellectual, bodes extremely well for him. And how wonderful that you have picked up on it and support it. So call it what you will, but continue to celebrate it!

And thanks for writing. We are thrilled with these thoughtful responses.

Adele

[Adele Brodkin]

This comment is in response to Sheri's post about her son, who at age 32, has not yet realized his potential. I know how frustrating it must be for you to watch his talents "unexpressed" while the years go on. Each individual's story is far too complex to hazard any advice without knowing a lot more about him. But I would suggest that you consult materials about "executive function". There is a brief piece here on the Scholastic parenting site and much more elsewhere on line and in print.

There is still time for your son to share his gifts with the world.

Best,

Adele

[Adele Brodkin]

This comment is for both Sheri and Josh.

Josh has expressed the challenge of translating giftedness into achievement and self-realization. You both have observed that giftedness realizes its value when the possessor of it can draw on it for worldly achievement and personal fulfillment. A gift alone is not enough. Focus and hard work, and I might add, social skills seem to be needed in a winning mix.

Josh found out he had to make it happen. He apparently did it on his own, without family support or urging. The impetus had to come from within him.

In short gifts are great, but they are not enough to bring fulfillment and "success". Can anyone help us to further define the missing, but vital ingredients?

[John]

As the stepfather of a gifted child, I can say that the term "gifted" is very much a mixed bag. My stepson began reading well ahead of schedule and by the time he was eight or nine could have adult discussions about politics or economics and actually offer insight. In school, he took advanced courses and was well ahead of his age group's intellectual level. On the downside, he was extremely absent-minded and stubborn. There was no way to discipline him for misbehavior by taking away privileges or toys he loved because he'd simply stick to his guns and play with dust bunnies (true story). He was also reclusive and had few friends. So raising him was more than a challenge for me and his mom, and there was as much despair as joy. The happy ending is that after high school he became a lot more involved with the world, came up with a plan to put himself through college, and did a fair amount of traveling the globe -- all on his own. He's now a teacher. On a side note, because our society is extremely competitive, we can push kids into becoming prodigies and mini-adults when they really deserve a chance to just be kids. Or perhaps we don't consider certain attributes like kindness, compassion and a sense of humor to be gifts if they don't translate into wealth, status and recognition. I'm most proud of the fact that my stepson grew up to be an intelligent, caring, independent adult who is a good person.

[Adele M. Brodkin]

John, I can't thank you enough for sharing your experience, the joys and travails, and your wisdom that undoubtedly contributed to your step son's happy ending.

Sorry for repeating myself, but I must say again that I am awestruck by the profound thinking that this question has elicited. It's wonderful to know that all you clear thinkers and fine people are out there. It's a little bit daunting too to think that I am audacious enough to offer unsolicited advice to people who could teach me a thing or two.

Welcome to all of you; welcome to e-Scholastic's Parenting site. It is a privilege to exchange ideas with all of you..

Adele

[Erin Egan]

People often comment about how smart and verbal my almost-3-year-old son is. He does use words like "residue" and "procedure" correctly and knows the names of every piece of construction equipment known to man, but gifted? I'm not sure about that. I agree with John above. I'd rather my son grow to be a well-rounded, intelligent and compassionate person than be labeled (in pre-school no less!) as gifted.

[Adele M. Brodkin]

Erin,

I couldn't agree with you more! And if you model those values (as you already, no doubt are, along with modeling verbal skill), he will indeed become a fine man. The potential is all there in his genome, and you are welcoming it to the world. How wonderful.

Thank you for your wise comments. I remain incredulous about this little question we asked having tapped into such a wise and forthcoming audience.

All the best,

Adele

[Jen]

I'm a parent of a gifted 10 year old, Jack. For those of you who have small children and wonder if they are gifted, I'd like to share my experience. Jake was my first and it wasn't until I had my second and third children that I was able to reflect back and realize how exceptional he was as a toddler/preschooler. Physically he was average in meeting his milestones but intellectually he was way ahead of the pack. He was singing his ABCs at the age of one. By the age of two, his memory was so good that he had all the books we read together memorized and would tell me if I skipped a word and what word I skipped. At two he knew all his colors and shapes (even the hard ones). He began reading by sight at age 3 and by age 4 he could read anything you put in front of him - including college textbooks. He could count past 100 at the age of 3. His attention span was tremendous. If something interested him he could do it for hours and hours. He loved to work on workbooks and would complete them in one sitting. Nothing educational was ever wasted on him - he was like a sponge. At the age of 2, he became interested in Thomas the Tank and could tell you every name of every wooden train in the toy store just by looking at the train (and I'm talking about a lot of different trains). He was always mature, polite and considerate to others. He never did anything to get in trouble - ever. School has never been a challenge for him. He has never had to study for any test in school ever and he gets straight A's. Just hearing the teacher explains the lessons is enough for him to retain it all.

[Adele M. Brodkin]

Yes, indeed. Jack is gifted in the most traditional sense. I will be providing some links to pieces that provide guidance for the parents of gifted children in the next few days, here on this blog..

Happily, you are doing just fine, and so is Jack, without those links, but you might still want to consult one or two and perhaps comment on their validity, from your own experience. I'd be most grateful.

All the best,
Adele

[Terri C]

Gifted is relative-i don't think that its soley innate or soley learned. I think that it is a person living to the potential to which they were born! I have 8 children and every single one of them is gifted in very different ways. I have one that has the gift of gab, one the gift of comedy, one the gift of drawing, one the gift of story telling, one the gift of thinking outside the box, one the gift of tinkering, one the gift of nurturing(helping physically and mentally challenged younger children and she's only FIVE) and one the gift of intelligence. But one thing they all have is the gift of love...and as their mother, I will tell them every day that they are gifted no matter how the world labels them.
Each child, mine or not, has the ability to be gifted. We adults just have to have our eyes a little more wide open to see some the gifts.

[Terri C]

Gifted is relative-i don't think that its soley innate or soley learned. I think that it is a person living to the potential to which they were born! I have 8 children and every single one of them is gifted in very different ways. I have one that has the gift of gab, one the gift of comedy, one the gift of drawing, one the gift of story telling, one the gift of thinking outside the box, one the gift of tinkering, one the gift of nurturing(helping physically and mentally challenged younger children and she's only FIVE) and one the gift of intelligence. But one thing they all have is the gift of love...and as their mother, I will tell them every day that they are gifted no matter how the world labels them.
Each child, mine or not, has the ability to be gifted. We adults just have to have our eyes a little more wide open to see some the gifts.

[Julie]

Much like the other parents in this discussion I too have a "gifted" child. He is very intellectual and finds school boring. Although very smart he is now having behavorial problems because he is so bored. I will say that he has been diagnosed with ADHD and is on medication to help him control this problem. I hear parents speak about gifted children and I agree with the parents that say they would rather have a well rounded child to ensure success in adult life. We have a long way to go with my child as he is only 6 years old. I would love to speak to other parents that are going through the same problems as my husband and I are. I want my son to excel and utilize his gifts while learning how to control his behavior problems.

[Jessica]

Julie,

You may want to consider homeschooling. I know it is not an option for everyone and each state has its own limitations, but I have been where your child is. I was bored to tears in school and ended up wasting so much time with behavioral problems and daydreaming. I was bitter about school in kindergarten. Why should I have to right my letters 10 times when I have been doing it for years? This was the type of thing that went through my head at 5. Seeing giftedness in my son made me realize that no matter what school he went to none could meet his potential and my husband and I were the best teachers for him. Now he is 6 and asked to learn Algebra and created his own experiments to see how much effort it took to break certain rocks and recorded the data. These are not the types of things he could do in a regular school setting.

Explore your options, maybe there is a way to meet his needs at his current school or maybe there is an alternative. Research things and see what will work for you.

[Adele M. Brodkin]

Thank you for your very sound advice, Jessica. It underscores the fact that each child has individual needs which should be kept in mind in planning for his/her education.

Adele