"DA-DDY!"

"DA-DDY!"

It was a brief, but satisfying, visit to our two out-of-state grandsons. The 4 year old continues to amaze with his warmth and readiness to chat, as if at least a month hadn’t elapsed since our last meeting. We jump right into two-way conversations about all sorts of stuff -- firemen, dogs, day camp, and his baby brother’s “youthful world view.”

The 15 month old is delightful too (of course!) and especially attached to Daddy. He can say "Mama" as well as Daddy and some version of his big brother’s name; but his single term of endearment for anyone he is delighted to find before him is “DA-DDY!” (It’s important to get the tone change -- the joy in a higher first syllable!). If Mommy peeks into his room after a nap, he greets her arrival with a welcoming, “DA-DDY!”

Big brother bouncing by often earns the same greeting. Here’s a typical response: “I’m not Daddy, silly; Daddy is the man. He’s much bigger than me. See? The man is Daddy and the lady is Mommy; understand?”

When their car pulled up to the curb where Grandpa and I were waiting, I rushed to poke my head into the open window of the back seat, where the two adorable ones were strapped into their car seats, holding stuffed animals. I got one enormous smile from the preschooler who told me he now goes to “big boy camp.” AND I got a tender look accompanying a loud and clear, “DA-DDY!” from his younger brother. What rapture! How worth it was the series of car and train rides and dusty stations! And think of it: the real “DA-DDY!” just happens to be my son!

June 25, 2008

My Impatience

My Impatience

By the time we reach “full maturity” (my polite name for those in the grandparent generation), we are likely to be patient and calm under typical child care circumstances. After all, we’ve been there before, and lived to tell the tale. We’ve raised our own kids, so the giddiness of 14 month olds’ tossing food from their highchairs, the tantrums of two year olds, the fears of fours, the cries for fairness at six and seven, and even the mood swings of early adolescence don’t easily rattle us. We preach patience to their parents, or better yet, try to model taking it all in stride. And if our calmness has a paradoxical effect on some frustrated parents, then we modify our stance and sympathize.

Under other circumstances, though, we’re the impatient ones. For example, it seems to me that many parents are resigned to the violent content and tempo of many kids' TV shows and video games. Limiting screen time helps; but in my view, we should be shutting down all pointless violence, mayhem, and atrocities.

In a recent issue of the American Psychological Association’s magazine for members, I read about testimony Dr. Dale Kunkel presented to the Senate Committee on Commerce, Science, and Transportation. “The link between television violence and increased aggression in children is stronger than the relationships between asbestos and throat cancer, condom use and HIV, and workplace second-hand smoke and lung cancer,” says Dr. Kunkel. The research suggests “children who are persistently exposed to violent images learn aggressive behaviors, become desensitized to violence, and develop an exaggerated fear of becoming victims.”

Furthermore, “televised violence is often ‘sanitized and glamorized’…Violence is often perpetrated by attractive, remorseless, and ultimately unpunished characters.” He adds that “parents tend to be more concerned with sex on television than with violence; but violent portrayals may pose more of a risk,” especially for young children. He calls for corrective legislation. Another recent study from the University of Michigan underscores Kunkel’s concern.

How many studies and how many reports and how many committees will it take to shake up the world of children’s entertainment? This is nothing new. We have long known that watching violent programming raises the level of aggression in viewers of all ages immediately after the show and for a long time afterward.

Growing up watching gratuitous violence -- aggression not even sanctioned by some “worthy cause” -- has its proven hazards. Is the entertainment industry just so all powerful that nothing can be done about it? Where is the determination of parents who “lobby” tirelessly in the interest of their children with medical or educational challenges? With indifferent-seeming silence, parents are allowing a generation to become inured to brutality.

June 17, 2008