Back in the Olden Days

Back in the Olden Days

Here I am again with a little homespun Grandma/psych/social observation---something I am glad to share with you. As I have mentioned before  in a similar venue, I am trying to work on developing wisdom---what other choice do I have?  Beauty fades and with it dreams of grand achievement; so ersatz wisdom it is for me.Toward that end, I'll practice with the following: I think I have found an unintended benefit from our new pocket gadgets---cell phones, Blackberries and the like. Parents who worry about the drawbacks of their kids' attachment to these things might be interested in my thoughts about some unheralded benefits.

Borrowing a phrase that my young son used  (when I was in my thirties), "When you were a kid, Mom, back in the olden days", there was little, if anything, said about the risks of smoking. You just weren't supposed to start too young and rush growing up--no different from waiting awhile before using lipstick or shaving our legs. So whenever a "sophisticated" teen or young adult was in a slightly uncomfortable social situation, waiting for a date in the lobby of a resturant or alone at a party, he or she would light up.  It gave us something to do with our hands, some sort of social protection--avoiding feeling out of place and awkward. In short, it was the "cool" thing to do. (Just a little side observation, by the way: the coolness of the word, "cool" is one of a very few culturally stable icons. It's wonderful to have a "cool" word that bridges the generation gaps; at least three generations of adolescents have shared it.  But I digress.)

So lighting up, fussing with the matches or lighter, tapping down the cigarette, sucking and blowing out the match with one motion gave us some illusion of poise in tough moments that might otherwise have been even more uncomfortable.

Now, of course, we know that smoking is a very dangerous practice/habit; and we do everything to discourage young people from starting. And, Hallelujah, we happen to have an unexpected ally in that effort--the cell phone or other small computerized pocket gadget. When standing and waiting for a date or entering a crowded room of mostly strangers all "having fun", we, and more importantly, our adolescents, can slouch in a corner and start pushing buttons nimbly and with great focus, looking oblivious to the annoyance of waiting or feeling ill at ease. Instead of worrying so much about today's kids being stuck on screens of all sizes, maybe we should rejoice that they don't need to turn to smoking to ease social strain. So do what ever you have to do to limit the access of kids to the "wrong" sites, etc., but take comfort in my hypothesis that the incidence of the dangerous habit of smoking may be reduced among the young now that they can be comforted by a piece of plastic and steel which gives them a harmless something to do to look cool.

September 21, 2007