Beddie Bye

Scholastic Parent & Child is, of course, my favorite Parenting magazine; but from time to time I look at one of the competitors’ to get a sense of  trends in topics, style, etc. Last week I was drawn to the blurb on Parenting’s cover, a blurb that said, “WANT YOUR BED BACK? Getting kids to sleep alone.”

“Well now,” I thought. “It was only a few years ago that our advice to families was, “Everyone back in your own beds.” And that had evoked  strong protests from believers in the merits of the “Family Bed”.  I had written that it’s essential to help children to tolerate the separation that night brings, to guide them toward the capacity to fall asleep alone and wake alone without panic.  Doing these things allows mastery in many other spheres—feeding, dressing, deciding with whom and what to play.  Remembering the many comforting words of parents at stressful times during the day, is often enough to soothe children to sleep. Tomorrow promises to be another good day.

The extra glass of water and story may be enough additional comfort for most young children.

On the other hand, waking during the night and crawling into the parents’ bed can easily become a habit. Especially at stressful times (eg. Following or anticipating moving day, the birth of new baby, divorce or separation, illness in the family, etc.) the habit of making the parents’ bed a comfort zone is easily begun.  Then when the time comes to reestablish independence, it isn’t easy. But it can be done and done lovingly.

One parent told us that she and her husband can’t persuade their 9 year old that it is time to move into his own room and his own bed. He had been sleeping in theirs all his life;  because they were originally told the ‘family bed” is a boon to the new baby and small child.

It’s understandable that nursing newborns would sleep in a bassinet beside their mothers. But in only a matter of weeks or months, one of the wonderful new intercoms can serve the infant’s need for being heard while allowing the discovery of characteristic smells, sounds and sights of the baby’s own room. Getting used to and getting comfortable in one’s own crib should begin that early. With encouragement, babies, toddlers, and young children are able to make friends with the night. An extra reading of Goodnight Moon will show parents and children how it’s done.  Oh, and one more hint, never use “go to your bed” as a punishment, when, after all, it is actually a refuge.